Starting the school year with the right mindset
Preventing school related stress and anxiety.
It. Is. August. Summers are gone in a flash and school year preparations seem to creep further into August, while we, as parents, are trying to get everything together.
We love to commit to start each year organized and chill. We get the calendars ready and the schedules set but there is always a bit of chaos involved and most of us secretly like it this way.
If this chaos includes feelings of school anxiety or dread, then we might have a kid who has struggled in the past with meeting school year expectations. The expectations can come from the school building, the family home, or internally from the child. No matter the origin, if a child is frequently feeling like he or she doesn’t measure up, it can start to impact confidence, self-esteem, feelings of self worth, and relationships.
If a learning disability, anxiety, or depression is contributing to the struggle, then professional help should be a part of the solution.
Often, the source of the struggle is related to a missing “school skill” or an undeveloped executive function. Professional help might be warranted here as well but we first need to make sure we have adopted a growth mindset when it comes to our children and their ability to be successful in a school setting.
The best way we can help our kids is to rid ourselves of the assumption that they have the skills to be successful in school but are choosing not to use them. This is especially important when our students have a big transition coming up such as starting middle or high school. During these times, it is more likely that the expectation of the child has changed rather than the child’s internal motivations have changed. This faulty thinking can cause unnecessary stress and conflict at home. We must believe that all children want to do well. If we begin with a growth mindset and the belief that success is possible, then we can start to identify what supports are needed to thrive.
We can ask ourselves the following questions: Where is the break in the system? What skills are needed to complete the expected tasks (confidence, focus, organization, ability to follow two-step directions)? Does my child have these skills or do they need to be taught? Knowing that executing functioning skills continue to develop through early adulthood, is it developmentally appropriate to expect every child to possess the necessary skills? What can I do to help? What supports are available at school to help?
This does not mean that we completely absolve our children of responsibility. There is room here for both support and accountability. If we start with a faulty assumption that the failures come from a lack of desire to do well, then we are stuck, without a path to success. This is when we see low motivation, depression, or anxiety related to school performance. Alternatively, if we start with a growth mindset then we can dive into the source of the problem and be a part of our child’s team.
