When Survival Strategies No Longer Serve You

There are times in life when we need to stand our ground—when protecting ourselves, enduring hardship, or giving everything we have to achieve a goal is necessary. These survival strategies help us navigate challenges, but like any coping mechanism, they can be overused. What once kept us safe can become a default response, applied even in situations where it no longer serves us. In short, the way you once survived does not have to be the way you live.

This pattern tends to surface in times of stress or discomfort. Our brains, wired for survival, instinctively return to strategies that worked in the past. If you grew up in a chaotic or unpredictable environment, you may have learned to anticipate and manage other people’s emotions. This gave you a sense of control and helped you navigate your world with fewer disruptions. For example, if you noticed that bringing home a good grade improved your parent’s mood, you might have internalized the belief that your worth is tied to keeping others happy.

Similarly, if laughing off hurt feelings helped you fit in during middle school, your brain may still reach for that coping mechanism today—minimizing your own emotions rather than acknowledging them. Over time, these strategies can create problems. You might find yourself constantly prioritizing others' emotions at the expense of your own, leading to resentment when your efforts go unnoticed. Or you might deflect everything with humor, avoiding deeper reflection on your true feelings.

Much of therapy involves identifying these survival strategies and exploring how they manifest in daily life. Are they still protecting you, or have they become exhausting? Are they fostering healthy relationships, or are they keeping you from deeper connections? The good news is that awareness is the first step toward change. You don’t have to continue living in survival mode. You can learn new ways of being—ones that allow you to not just survive, but truly thrive.